Tower Dream

     I dreamt that the radio station that is now KEXP evolved quite a lot differently, having never gotten the money from Paul Allen that they did, they were still KCMU and 100 watts, and that I had a current relationship to the station, knew on-air personnel and so forth.

     The dream had a somewhat violent twist in that someone who was a less successful competitor in business (not that I’m rolling in success), hated me and at least left other people with the impression he wanted to kill me, he also shot up a place where I lived, didn’t shoot any people just vandalized structures.

     I was looking for a new place to live when I got to talking to some people at the station about a huge spire of sorts on the north end of the UW campus.  From the outside it resembled a tall skinny lighthouse but from the inside it had a top floor that had open windows all the way around at a height of about chest height and there were high resolution webcams pointed out in all directions.  The floor below was a living facility and it was for lease so I leased it and moved in there.

     It had the most awesome view anyone could ask for.  The only downside was the living space was fairly small, maybe 12-foot round, and you had to climb 300 feet of stairs to get there.  But the view was worth it and that’s what I most remember from the dream, looking out in particular to the South over Red Square and seeing the city skyline mostly below me was awesome.  And I had access to all the web cams and associated computer equipment and I could readily visit the radio station.

     Other than knowing someone had threatened to kill me, and for some reason I did not take the threat all that seriously, it was a fun cool dream.

More on Dreams

     I remember more.

     Somehow I got into the building over the lake.  In the building was something that resembled a giant steel toilet bowl about 30 feet wide at the top and the bottom connected with the lake water.

     Only it drew water up out of the lake into it and along with it a shark, in the clear lake I had been swimming in.


1st 58th Trip Around the Sun Dreams

     My days sleep, and it was that as I didn’t totally give up on getting a mail server back online until 6:30AM at which point I gave up and tried to sleep.  However missing the Lyrica dosage on time the night before lead to a painful time so sleeping was difficult.

     When I finally did get to sleep my sleep was rich with many dreams.  I dreamt of swimming in a large very clean lake.  It was crystal clear.  Part of the Lake went under a bridge and on the other side of the bridge there was a chain link fence that fenced it off and a building at one end that part of the lake seemed to go under.

     I walked around the fence on land and there was a big hill covered with bushes.  They were thick and there were also blackberry thorns interwoven with other vegetation.

     By this time I was joined by half a dozen other men and women and we climbed up a steep hill and fought our way through these bushes.  At the top of the hill there was a clearing and in the clearing a very old house.  There was no driveway or walkway to the house, it was totally surrounded by all of these bushes as if it were intentionally cut off and camouflaged.

     Inside the house there was a stack of strange electronics.  We each took an item and intended to take back with us for further examination.  I thought this must either be some secret military thing or an alien post of some sort.

     We were back in the woods and now I and others were armed with rifles.  I shot and killed a young buck.  Others patted me on the back and were like you’re the man.  But I didn’t feel like a man, I felt terrible for taking it’s life.  I did not need it’s life for me nourishment.  I didn’t even really like deer meat.  But I was determined to bring it back so that others might enjoy it since I had killed it.  To leave it there to rot would dishonor it’s spirit.

     There was more but like dreams often do the rest has evaporated.


A Couple Hours Left

     I’ve only got a few hours left before the Earth start’s it’s 58th orbit of our Sun.  I’m trying to work, in a bit of a mental funk right now.  I feel like I’ve pretty much ruined my life with little chance of recovery.

     Half of my family won’t talk to me, a portion of my family I’m not even legally allowed to speak to.  I’m sure the judge thought it all for the best, I disagree, such is what is left of life I guess.



     I went to the post office at 4PM to check for mail in the post office box.  My post office box was bare, just like mother Hubbard’s cupboard.

     It was SO dark, not night but super thick nasty clouds, that my car decided it was night and turned on the headlights and dimmed the dash.  I noticed every other car on the road also had it’s headlights on which is better than many do when it actually IS night.

     I thought with clouds this thick it ought to be just dumping buckets on us.  Within about 15 seconds of my having that thought it started to rain.  I’d say be careful what you wish for only this really wasn’t a wish, merely an observation.


     I went to bed early tonight as I have to be up at 5:40 AM to go to a men’s accountability group meeting.

     I thought I would have trouble falling asleep.  I didn’t, rather I woke up out of a nightmare where someone was trying to kill me and they were chasing me and I was running for what seemed like forever.  And this came out of another dream where I was in a strange place, strange people around, really living a life that was not mine.

     When I woke up, I was shivering violently even though I was warmly covered up on a heated water bed.  After being awake for a few minutes the shivering stopped.

     Now I am having difficulty getting back to sleep, hence my being here to type this in.  I listened to coast to coast for a while, George Noory usually bores me to sleep in just minutes but not tonight.

     Tonight must be pagan night or else they’re preparing for Halloween early.  First they have an astrologer on, and I’ll admit he makes it interesting.  I also believe there is something to astrology.  I based this upon an encounter with a woman in my teenage years who didn’t know me and I didn’t know her.  But she asked some questions with respect to my personality and limited life experiences and proceeded to tell me when and where I was born.

     Then after the astrologer they had someone on who was big on reincarnation and that might have been boring if it were not for his knowledge in ancient mythology, Greek and Egyptian at least, and he himself was Jewish.  I find mythology fascinating because I believe that most myths are based in truths, some of them literal, some metaphoric.

     So in spite of the fact that George is still as exciting as a box of rocks, his guests tonight were interesting which didn’t help getting back to sleep but I think also a fear that I will return to that same dream is keeping me awake.

Dodging Bullets

     I really dodged two bullets tonight.  First, I always have my accountant file for automatic extensions because the late Winter and Spring are usually very busy seasons and I’m usually way overloaded in terms of time and things to do so my business return then needs to be filed by September 15 and personal return by October 15.  Business return wasn’t bad but I was worried I’d have more of a tax bill than I could afford personally because I sold some IPv4 address space for a sizeable chunk in 2015.

     As it turned out the amount I owed was much less than I expected and now that I think of it, I plowed quite a lot of money into new equipment in 2015, upgrading two of three i7-2900 servers to i7-6700k based machines which meant new motherboards, CPU, and memory and they were high end motherboards.

     Then this storm tonight, hit South Sound hard, hit Seattle fairly hard, hit Everett fairly hard, but skipped over the area of Shoreline where I live.

     So these two things that I had a lot of anxiety about, both resolved favorably and so yea first I am relieved and that is nice, but after that I am depressed, and this is a long standing pattern for me, I get worked up over something, it resolves, then I am depressed.

     I suspect it is internal drug withdrawal from adrenalin and cortisol created by the stressful situation being suddenly withdrawn, but don’t seem to have a good strategy for handling it.