Death and Decay – Birth and Renewal

     It seems all around me there is death and decay, death of loved ones, decay of the whole world.  Yet there is also birth and renewal, but that seems far removed from me.  I know this is a mental state not so much a reality, it is what I am focusing on, and it seems odd for this season, Spring, which really is a season of birth and renewal.  I can see the flower buds opening, but at the same time I know they are transient and will be gone soon.  I don’t know a good way of dealing with that.

Daily Bread

     And this is the Bible verses Our Daily Bread had for me today, relevant but easier said than done:

Colossians 3:1-11King James Version (KJV)

If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.

Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.

Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:

For which things’ sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:

In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them.

But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.

Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

10 And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:

11 Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all.

A Lot Down

Actually, I’m feeling a lot down today, really fixated on death and negativity.  I don’t want to be but it just won’t leave my head.

     I lost my mother a couple of years ago, I don’t know how long my father has left but he feels he’s winding down.  I’ve alienated my daughter and my youngest son.  I’m really feeling like maybe I would have been better off if I’d died in prison.

     I really hate it when I get in moods like this but I don’t know what to do about it.  A couple of decades of therapy didn’t eliminate it and I’ve been on many different SSRI’s and other medications and at best they helped very little and only temporarily and had rather serious side effects.

     God took the really intense nebulous anxiety away, that which is left is real over real issues and not so intense and I guess I kind of feel like if I didn’t have it I wouldn’t be motivated to do much of anything, but this depressive feeling, the fixation on death of everyone I love and eventually myself, I don’t see any positives in that, and yet God left me with that.

Oh Very Young

     I’m feeling a bit down and a little anxious this morning. I went to sleep with someone talking about a death as a transition and what lies beyond. I don’t feel like I’m done with this world just yet but maybe it feels it’s done with me. For some reason, Cat Stevens song, Oh Very Young, is stuck in my head:

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
You’re only dancing on this earth for a short while
And though your dreams may toss and turn you now
They will vanish away like your daddy’s best jeans
Denim Blue fading up to the sky
And though you want him to last forever
You know he never will
(You know he never will)
And the patches make the goodbye harder still

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
There’ll never be a better chance to change your mind
And if you want this world to see a better day
Will you carry the words of love with you
Will you ride the great white bird into heaven
And though you want to last forever
You know you never will
(You know you never will)
And the goodbye makes the journey harder still

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
You’re only dancing on this earth for a short while
Oh very young
What will you leave us this time


     They’ve put the wires on the west side of Aurora near the Puget Sound waterfront where all the rich people live underground.  They’ve put the wires in the business districts on Aurora and 15th underground. They charge us a surcharge for this under grounding but project but we still have this horrid wire mess above ground.  About seven years ago the wires caught one of our trees in my front yard on fire.  Their response was to mangle my trees excessively and badly.  Why am I paying a surcharge on my electric bill to underground rich peoples wiring while they leave ours above ground?  And why doesn’t our local news media bring these injustices to anybodies attention?