Peak pain has flared, come, and gone for the night.  Now at a manageable level, but I can not go to sleep.  Very wired even though I took 1200mg of gabapentin earlier which my neurologist was worried would sedate me.  It does not, hardly anything does except a heavy meal or a night with way too little sleep which if this continues, this night will be.

     I had hoped to go to the gym for my first workout in more than seven years but did not make it.  By the time clothes were washed my neuropathy had flared up to where I was on fire and beyond the ability to handle it.

     So far today I’ve eaten 2100MG of gabapentin which at the moment is not sufficient to suppress this nerve pain.  Today it started with strange stabbing pains to the right side of my belly, then they migrated to my left leg midway between foot and knee.  Now I’m burning all over.

     If I had ANY idea how much pain would be involved, I would not have ever allowed myself to get into this condition.

     But now at least I know my heart is good, in between the intense bouts of pain I will make it to the gym and begin working on this.  I have ample motivation.

     Emotionally this is really tugging me in two directions.  On the one hand, night after night of searing pain and agony, difficulty sleeping because of it, these things are depressing.

     On the other hand, God has brought me so far spiritually, and now he is pointing out my physical deficiencies and giving me a path to remedy those as well.  I believe God would not be working on my so much if he did not have something very worthwhile for me to do in my future.  So that aspect of it excites me.  I am not proud of my past but I am being given an opportunity to do something better with my remaining years.