Situational Depression

     I’m having some problems with depression relating to my life situation.  Maybe it’s a hazard of getting old.

     My mother passed several years ago about this time of the year.  My father’s health is not good.  My father is as atheistic as it gets and he is as stubborn as it gets a well. He believes that once your dead that’s it, there is nothing after.  I don’t share those beliefs.  I feel like I’m grieving for him while he’s still alive.  God has impacted my life in a big way, I know God is real.

     Then my wife, Tina, took a job with QFC where she is working, in theory midnight to 8:30AM, in practice often midnight to 9:30-10:00 AM which leaves me alone all night and to put it mildly I’m not loving it.

     And after 2-1/2 years in prison, I’m still working my way out of debt so we really need both of our incomes.

     I know my wife loves me, else she wouldn’t have waited for me while I was in prison.  Intellectually I know that, but it’s hard for me to feel it when she isn’t here most nights.  Thoughts come to me that I don’t want to have.  I find it difficult to sleep and then difficult to function in the day which doesn’t help the income situation.

    While I was in prison, my wife started attending a local church.  I want to attend but they are not making it easy and really I’m not feeling welcome there so I don’t know what to do.  I know if I went somewhere else my wife would go to but she’s made friends there and I don’t want to take her away from that.

Thank You Comcast!

     Usually I have little good to say about Comcast but they did one thing I am very happy about, they increased the size of the call screening list from 12 to 25, still far too small but none the less enough to help get rid of a substantial number of scammers and telephone spammers.

Some Things Never Change

     The following opening sentence was written by George Adamski in 1946:

A few hundred years ago, when conformity to prescribed dogma was considered a virtue, men were proud to proclaim their strict adherence to the belief of their ancient ancestors.

     I find it funny how in 70 years, and apparently a few hundred years before that, this remains unchanged.

Strange Dream

     Had a strange dream where I lived in a tiny town.  It’s police force consisted of a sheriff and two deputes.  It was the kind of town where everyone knew everyone else.

     In the dream I got sick and vomited on the sheriff.  He took my keys and wallet away, believing me to be drunk.  I wasn’t drunk, I was sick.

     I was then trying to find him to get my keys and wallet back because I had to go to work.  I found my keys on his desk but he was gone and so was my wallet.

     I awoke at that point.  The thing about this dream, it seemed so real, almost as if I were living someone the life of someone else in this hick town.  Everything about it seemed so real, the people, the buildings, the wood grain of the desk.

Cold, Tired, Hazy…

     Didn’t sleep well last night, everything hurt.  Weird dreams that I can make no sense out of.  Headache today after spending 4 hours in heavy traffic.

     Needed to get a stamped copy of our marriage license in order to get health insurance.  They told us we could get it from King County records even though we were married in Snohomish County.  Went to the King County place in Juanita, didn’t have it, then had to drive to downtown Everett.  From there to Good Will on Dearborn to drop off a couple of receivers, then to RePC to drop off some old computer equipment.  By then it’s 4:45 and the freeway is stopped.  Then to the post office where there is nothing there but paper spam.

     Raining almost the entire time.  Now my head hurts.  Hate to whine but not loving it at the moment.

All Sin Revealed

     There are people who feel I should hide my past, but I know in the future all sins will be revealed.  My skeletons are out, a time will come when everyone’s are.  I’m looking forward to that time because I am really tired of fake people who posture and lie.  And my skeletons being out provides additional incentive for me to stay on the straight and narrow, and I need that.

Luke 12:2 King James Version (KJV)

2 For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known.

Dark Star

Crosby, Stills, and Nash

Forgive me if my fantasies might seem a little shopworn.
I’m sure you’ve heard it all before I wonder what’s the right form.
Love songs written for you it’s been going down for years,
but to sing what’s in my heart seems more honest than the tears

I am curious.
Don’t want to hurry us.
I’m intrigued with us.
Ain’t this song a bust.
I don’t care, dark star.

I met you several years ago,
The times they were so strange but I had a feeling.
You looked into my eyes just once,
an instant flashing by that we were stealing.

Another time you felt so bad,
and I wasn’t any help at all as I recall.
We didn’t know quite what to do so we left the wanting be,
still there for me and you.

Dark star I see you in the morning.
Dark star a’ sleeping next to me.
Dark star let the memory of the evening
be the first thing that you think of
when you open up your smile and see me, dark star.

It’s easy to be with you,
even with the storms that rage beneath your search for peace.
We must make some time together,
take the kids, and find a world that’s ours to keep.

Now you’ve got me dreaming girl,
it’s been so long that I thought that I’d forgotten how.
My heart is once again my soul,
we touched we did, you know we did, no more teasing now.

Dark star I see you in the morning.
Dark star a’ sleeping next to me.
Dark star let the memory of the evening
be the first thing that you think of
when you open up your smile and see me, dark star.

Dark star I see you in the morning.
Dark star a’ sleeping next to me.
Dark star let the memory of the evening
be the first thing that you think of
when you open up your smile and see me, dark star.

Let the memory of the evening
be the first thing that you think of
when you open up your smile and see me, dark star.