Actually, I’m feeling a lot down today, really fixated on death and negativity.  I don’t want to be but it just won’t leave my head.

     I lost my mother a couple of years ago, I don’t know how long my father has left but he feels he’s winding down.  I’ve alienated my daughter and my youngest son.  I’m really feeling like maybe I would have been better off if I’d died in prison.

     I really hate it when I get in moods like this but I don’t know what to do about it.  A couple of decades of therapy didn’t eliminate it and I’ve been on many different SSRI’s and other medications and at best they helped very little and only temporarily and had rather serious side effects.

     God took the really intense nebulous anxiety away, that which is left is real over real issues and not so intense and I guess I kind of feel like if I didn’t have it I wouldn’t be motivated to do much of anything, but this depressive feeling, the fixation on death of everyone I love and eventually myself, I don’t see any positives in that, and yet God left me with that.

     I’m feeling a bit down and a little anxious this morning. I went to sleep with someone talking about a death as a transition and what lies beyond. I don’t feel like I’m done with this world just yet but maybe it feels it’s done with me. For some reason, Cat Stevens song, Oh Very Young, is stuck in my head:

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
You’re only dancing on this earth for a short while
And though your dreams may toss and turn you now
They will vanish away like your daddy’s best jeans
Denim Blue fading up to the sky
And though you want him to last forever
You know he never will
(You know he never will)
And the patches make the goodbye harder still

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
There’ll never be a better chance to change your mind
And if you want this world to see a better day
Will you carry the words of love with you
Will you ride the great white bird into heaven
And though you want to last forever
You know you never will
(You know you never will)
And the goodbye makes the journey harder still

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
You’re only dancing on this earth for a short while
Oh very young
What will you leave us this time

     Another day of blood letting…   Fortunately, it’s the last day on that blade, tomorrow starts with a fresh blade.  Hate it when days start this way though, my face will feel icky all day.

     They’ve put the wires on the west side of Aurora near the Puget Sound waterfront where all the rich people live underground.  They’ve put the wires in the business districts on Aurora and 15th underground. They charge us a surcharge for this under grounding but project but we still have this horrid wire mess above ground.  About seven years ago the wires caught one of our trees in my front yard on fire.  Their response was to mangle my trees excessively and badly.  Why am I paying a surcharge on my electric bill to underground rich peoples wiring while they leave ours above ground?  And why doesn’t our local news media bring these injustices to anybodies attention?

  This whole area has been rezoned for 70 foot high density apartment buildings without the requirement that parking be provided.  That means these trees will be going away to be replaced with ugly 70 foot monoliths and the streets will be almost impassable.  Agenda 21 here we come! Thank you Shoreline City Council!

This is the current messy state of my office.

This place has so many protrusions and vents and pipes on the roof, that combined with the big grey device outside, really makes me wonder what’s going on in there?  Is this some kind of industrial hemp growing operation or what?

In a few years, all these trees on the right will be destroyed in order for the agenda 21 bastards to build a train station for Sound Transit.  I moved out here 31 years ago to get away from all this urban rat cage bullshit, and now it’s just following me.  I am so unhappy with the Shoreline City Council and their eagerness to embrace agenda 21 and destroy our neighbourhood in the process.  Of course it makes a lot of money for land developers so screw the rest of us who just happen to live here.

     Image stabilization on, hand held shot while in motion. Tried this with the old lens, always got some motion blur, but with this one crystal clear. I’d like to know how that works, it makes some funky sounds when on.  This was shot just from the crown of the hill just north of 190th on 10th Ave NE.  Funny how zoom messes with perspective.