Where the Hell is Dr. House When You Need Him?

     I am SO frustrated with Group Health doctors who are completely unwilling to provide any meaningful treatment for pain.

     Last night was my worst ever, felt like my spine had been plugged into a 220 volt outlet and every pain nerve fiber in it overstimulated.

     I had burning all over my body, severe allodynia, and it took on a new property where if my wife touched my lower left leg, not only would I feel intense pain where she touched but also I’d feel the touch in my chest and throat.  It is as if my entire nervous system were one big short circuit.

     This in spite of 1200mg of gabapentin, 6mg of melatonin, 750mg of gaba, 325mg of aspirin, and by late in the morning a substantial amount of marijuana.  But absolutely nothing was touching this pain and it was controlling me. I tell you if someone had offered me a bag of heroin I would have stabbed it in my veins or snorted it, the pain was that severe.

     Yesterday I got chewed out by my neurologist for sending him too many e-mails.  Well, I wouldn’t if he’d respond to them but in the absence of any response I just assume they went to >/dev/null.

     Today I get e-mail from him suggesting my problem is that I need better stress management.  I explained to him that my only substantial stressor at this time was the pain that he was refusing to manage effectively.  I have a wife that loves me, lots of friends, at least two kids that still talk to me, I practice meditation, I pray, I belong to and attend a church, a good small church with people that actually care, I go to a Bible study and a men’s accountability group.  Honestly, in terms of stress management I don’t know what I could be doing better.

     This is making night time sleep and daytime functionality difficult to say the least.

Less Pain – Still Can’t Sleep

     I’m in less pain tonight, not pain free but not excruciating like it has been.  I discovered melatonin helps with allodynia.  So that’s a plus.

     However, 9mg of melatonin later, and I still can’t sleep tonight.  Itchy all over for one thing.  Skin is very dried out.  Mind just won’t slow down and take a break for another.

Last Two Nights – Misery

     Last night, yesterday, and the night before all were bad.  I had lots of neuropathy pain.  Gabapentin even at the full dose isn’t stopping it.  Gabapentin does tame down the burning but allodynia, where touch is perceived as pain, it does not help, and that has been severe.

     I know the key to getting this pain down is exercise.  But yesterday things hurt so bad that even the touch of the back of the car seat on my back when I drove to the post office resulted in searing pain.

     My doctors at Group Health, both my primary care physician and neurologist, are not in the least bit helpful.  They do not suggest any remedies, and when I research and find things and pass them by, usually they won’t even bother to read the descriptions and if they do I usually get something like, “I can not recommend this in this setting”, but they offer no alternatives.

     So I am more or less trying things at random, doing my best to make an educated guess on whether something is likely to kill me or make things worse, and then be a lab rat, because I really can’t get any help elsewhere, nor can I live with this pain.

     Prayers are appreciated.

Unhappy Toe

     I had my first post colonoscopy workout yesterday.  I went to the gym in spite of searing nerve pain because I knew if I didn’t I’d be on fire permanently.

     Put in an hour on the treadmill at 3 mph 1% incline, but during the walk my left knee decided to buckle on me and that had the unfortunate effect of dragging my left foot back in a way that the toe was being pulled and it pulled the nail up off the nail bed and it bled under the nail giving me a lovely blue-black nail, which by the way is also painful.

IMG_1239     If there is any plus to this it is that my pain level is down considerably today over what it was yesterday.  Instead of searing pain I only have some mild sensitivity over certain areas of my skin.

No Cancer

     Finished colonoscopy.  The procedure itself was a piece of cake.  They said I’d be sedated and wouldn’t remember the procedure.  I told them I was hard to sedate.  They didn’t believe me.  I watched the scope picture on the monitor and remembered it.  Said I would want to go to sleep afterwards, I don’t.  Hungry as hell as I haven’t been able to eat for two days prior and it’s our 37th anniversary so going out to dinner.

So Not Fun…

     Getting ready for colonoscopy, have consumed close to 1/2 gallon of laxative so far.  The results kicked in about two hours ago.  Frequent bathroom trips, doubled over with cramps, pissing out my butt..  I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun.