Went to the doctors today and there is good news and bad news.

     The good, they x-rayed me and did not find any masses or other obstructions.

     The bad news, the burning pain I’ve been experiencing relates to a nerve that was cut when they drained the boil.  As it heals there is a phase where it is super-irritable and that’s where it is at and the reason I’m feeling the burning pain.  This could last months to the rest of my life.

     Secondary bad news, they determine cause is not a mechanical obstruction but did not determine what is, so now I’ve been referred to a gastroenterologist for further diagnostics.

     My experience in Shoreline Covenant Church today, the first time I’ve attended after my initial introduction, was awesome.  Actually a couple of hymns we sang that I knew (first time everything was unfamiliar).  Really felt the presence of the Holy Spirit there and it’s action on the people there.  The people there are so real, more so than any church I’ve ever attended before.

     I left in a euphoric but completely drained state, got home, did a little work but then napped for a couple of hours.

     A prayer I said this morning asked for help with those aspects of my spirit that still are sinful.  Mostly I have problems with anger, being judgemental, not thinking of others needs first.

     My wife works nights which means she must sleep during the day, and she has less opportunity to do so when we go to church on Sundays.

     One of our neighbors, Terry the Terrible, has a fascination with gasoline powered motorized devices, leaf blowers, air compressors, power washers, gasoline powered weed whackers, lawn mowers, generators, boat outboard motors, you name it, if it has a gasoline engine in it and it’s noisy he loves it.

      I have a difficult time not being angry with him when he fires these things up and runs them for hours knowing my wife is sleeping.  Right now he is power washing something in a tent and has been for the last two hours, right outside our bedroom window.

    Still in some pain and I had a dream of being in prison and my pants were torn so I needed to get a replacement pair of pants but it was a total hassle which is the reality of being in prison.

     It’s been four years almost and still I have these dreams and I think they are Satan trying to make me feel unforgiven even though I know that I am.

     I spent some time reading the Bible after I woke up.  Seems to me the way to get away from Satan or have Satan get away from me is to get closer to God.

    Irony, while I sit here in agony I’ve got WinAMP playing random tunes in the other room.  Right now it’s playing, “King of Pain”.

     I’ve spent some time looking at anatomy photos and where this pain is isn’t anywhere near where my colon is, more where intestines might be affected if an Inguinal Indireta hernia existed.  This is about an inch above where I had a strep-B infection and surgery for same.

     Since strep-B is part of gut bacteria in about 25% of people, I’m wondering if either I might have a hernia here and that is what allowed the bacteria to migrate to this region or the infection has just spread to this region making it tender.

     At any rate, I’ve created some visuals visually documenting where the pain occurs, and hopefully a more accurate description will lead to some kind of diagnosis or at least more rational testing when I go to see the doctor.

     This has been bothering me on and off for more than four years.  My thinking is if it were a tumor I’d most likely be dead by now.

     Flip sides of the same coin..  I find myself too focused on the latter at the moment.

     I’ve had some digestive issues since around December and now doctors want to do a colonoscopy to look for a potential tumor.  And I don’t even know if I’ll have medical coverage for the procedure.

     I want to have faith knowing that nothing happens without God’s permission, that God is ultimately in control of our life, and even if he were to call me home, somehow he would take care of those who would remain.

     I find it no coincidence that this pops up right after I am accepted into church.  I wonder if this is not God’s way of saying, “I welcomed you back, are you REALLY back?”  If I am then I should be able to find peace in spite of everything.

    Sometimes there are times when God doesn’t seem to be speaking to me.  This is one of them.  Something I do sometimes when I feel like I really need a word from God is to pray on what is troubling me and then randomly open the Bible and read and it seems often when I do this I’ll open to a passage that just nails whatever it is troubling me, but tonight, no joy.  I can’t relate what I’m finding to my situation.

     I turn on KCIS 630AM, a station that usually has various online Christian broadcasts, on-air sermons, or Christian talk, but instead tonight it is playing music and only instrumentals at that.

     I ask myself is God not speaking or am I just not hearing?  And I pray, “God open the eyes and ears of my heart to hear you and what you command for me.” but nothing seems to be happening.

     This feeling isn’t new.  I felt the same thing for the first month I spent in solitary confinement in prison and it seemed for the first month God didn’t speak, but when he did, it was clear he had been with me all along.

     In that instance, I now feel God was preparing my heart to be receptive, and I hope that is what he is doing now.  I want my life to be ruled by faith not fear.

     You can see what was left of the high voltage feeder hanging over the rest of the wires.  This left us without power for about 13 hours.

https://youtu.be/yosn_GHYiR4