Faith / Fear

     Flip sides of the same coin..  I find myself too focused on the latter at the moment.

     I’ve had some digestive issues since around December and now doctors want to do a colonoscopy to look for a potential tumor.  And I don’t even know if I’ll have medical coverage for the procedure.

     I want to have faith knowing that nothing happens without God’s permission, that God is ultimately in control of our life, and even if he were to call me home, somehow he would take care of those who would remain.

     I find it no coincidence that this pops up right after I am accepted into church.  I wonder if this is not God’s way of saying, “I welcomed you back, are you REALLY back?”  If I am then I should be able to find peace in spite of everything.

    Sometimes there are times when God doesn’t seem to be speaking to me.  This is one of them.  Something I do sometimes when I feel like I really need a word from God is to pray on what is troubling me and then randomly open the Bible and read and it seems often when I do this I’ll open to a passage that just nails whatever it is troubling me, but tonight, no joy.  I can’t relate what I’m finding to my situation.

     I turn on KCIS 630AM, a station that usually has various online Christian broadcasts, on-air sermons, or Christian talk, but instead tonight it is playing music and only instrumentals at that.

     I ask myself is God not speaking or am I just not hearing?  And I pray, “God open the eyes and ears of my heart to hear you and what you command for me.” but nothing seems to be happening.

     This feeling isn’t new.  I felt the same thing for the first month I spent in solitary confinement in prison and it seemed for the first month God didn’t speak, but when he did, it was clear he had been with me all along.

     In that instance, I now feel God was preparing my heart to be receptive, and I hope that is what he is doing now.  I want my life to be ruled by faith not fear.

Storm Damage

  Yesterday, March 12th, 2016, we had a moderately strong wind storm.  At my home, I lost power at 3:20PM and didn’t get it back until about 4:30AM the next day.

IMG_1230IMG_1223     This is the tree that took out our power for 13+ hours.



Introduced to Church

     Sunday, I was introduced to the church where my wife started attending while I was in prison and the almost four years since.

     I’ve been attending a Men’s accountability group sponsored by a pastor from that church since being released from prison in 2012.

     It went better than I could have hoped, at least from what I could see.  About a dozen people came up after the service and welcomed me.

     Hard to say if and how much behind the scenes backlash there will be.  But I get the feeling this is a group of real practicing Christians, that is to say people actually living Gods word instead of just spouting it.

     I feel like God has found me and now brought me back to the flock.  I can’t express the joy I felt after this.

Weird Network Dreams

     I had two weird networking dreams.

     In the first, there was a mangled version of IPv4 in which the second octet could be a number bigger than 256, it was so you could have addresses like 53.64509.251.83 and if all the interim networking infrastructure supported it, that IP would actually take you somewhere.

     It’s implementation was neither official nor stable so doing like ping 53.64509.251.83 might get a response or it might explode the network stack and crashed the machine.  These addresses were kind of underground like darknet.

     The second involved these Ethernet over your AC wiring devices.  People discovered that they would make it to neighbors houses, then people started chaining them together to create neighborhood wide LANS, NANS I guess.

     Also had a dream working for the telco but the technology was all modern (I left 21 years ago) and I didn’t understand how it worked except in theory so was struggling.